The leaked conversation among cabinet members initially discusses their views on the current state of animation and Hollywood’s originality, before shifting focus to their collective task of coordinating foreign policies for the upcoming week.
October 12
Rubio (07:15am ET): Morning all. Have you seen the latest review on the new ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ release? Seems like even animation is hitting an existential crisis.
Gabbard (07:31am ET): Ha! More like live-action remakes are having an existential crisis. Animation still rules! 😏🇷🇺
Vance (07:45am ET): Interesting point there, Tulsi. I think the real existential crisis lies within the framework of originality in Hollywood. Recycling old content under the pretense of modernization is really a form of intellectual theft. But what do I know… I’m just a wonk.
Waltz (08:05am ET): Team – Shifting gears here. Focusing on the task at hand. We’re working on co-ordination regarding our foreign policies, particularly for the coming week.
Hegseth (08:15am ET): Right on, Waltz. The movie talk can wait. Time to focus on the real dragons. 💪🇺🇸
Miller (08:45am ET): Hegseth, you never fail to turn a metaphor into an entirely different beast. Don’t forget though, these “dragons” we’re dealing with aren’t just a figment of imagination.
Gabbard (09:00am ET): I hear there’s a Dragon in Russia I wouldn’t mind getting to know better. Too much? 🤣
Rubio (09:31am ET): Easy there, Tulsi. This is official business, after all.
Kent (09:58am ET): Speaking of Russian dragons, what’s the latest update on our stance with foreign policies, lads?
Ratcliffe (10:15am ET): Well, we’re working on recalibrating our approach. But more importantly, I just can’t shake off the idea of a giant Russian Dragon. Thanks for that, Tulsi.
Wiles: (10:35am ET) Back to the task at hand, please. Trump won’t be happy if he learns we’re discussing dragons instead of policy.
Witkoff: (11:00am ET) Don’t worry Wiles, I’ll get the dragons out of their systems. We should host a cabinet movie night - “How to Train Your Dragon.” What say team?
Vance (11:20am ET): As much as I appreciate the casual camaraderie, we should really pivot back to the task at hand. Movies can wait.
Hegseth (11:44am ET): Agreed, Vance. Movie night or not, we’ve got to slay some real-world dragons. Back to the drawing board, team. 💪🇺🇸🔥🙏
Bessent (12:30pm ET): Hegseth’s right. Let’s get back to the real world of policy making. But I’ll admit that my kids would love the movie night idea.
Rubio (12:45pm ET): Leaked Signal conversation about dragons and movie nights? Sounds like we’re in a liberal media parody. But for now, let’s concentrate on real-world policies.
Miller (1:00pm ET): Well said, Rubio. All this dragon talk has fired up my distaste for European moochers. Let’s get back to governing and stop playing to these ridiculous stereotypes. Back to the grind, everyone.
Hegseth (1:30pm ET): That’s the spirit, team. Real-world dragons await. Let’s slay ’em. 💪🇺🇸🔥🙏
