In a leaked Signal conversation among cabinet members, the topic of discussion was the 2025 Decanter Award for the world’s best Sauvignon Blanc, won by a New Zealand wine. The conversation ranged from light-hearted banter about wine preferences to a serious suggestion about a diplomatic vineyard tour in New Zealand, which was met with concern about image perception amid current challenges.
Signal Group Chat: Cabinet Subject: World’s Best Sauvignon Blanc Wine—2025 Decanter Awards
Gabbard (10:00 am ET): So apparently, the world’s best Sauvignon Blanc of 2025 is out. 🍷🏆
Waltz (10:02 am ET): Back to work, Gabbard. There’s no wine tasting at the moment.
Hegseth (10:05 am ET): Waltz, you need to chill. Maybe some good ol’ Sauvignon Blanc will do. It’s got that zest, like the spirit of our nation. 💪🇺🇸🙏
Rubio (10:10 am ET): Did it come from a European cellar or a good, honest American vineyard?
Gabbard (10:15 am ET): Well, Rubio, it’s a New Zealand wine actually.
Hegseth (10:17 am ET): Those Kiwis know their wine. But I’d prefer an American Merlot. Stronger. 💪
Vance (10:20 am ET): Perhaps we should consider a cabinet vineyard tour? New Zealand is a great ally, and it could serve as strategic diplomacy.
Rubio (10:22 am ET): Vance, as much as I would love a vineyard tour, I don’t think it sets the right image given our current challenges.
Miller (10:30 am ET): If we focus half as much on our policies as we do on wine, we might actually get things done.
Hegseth (10:35 am ET): Oh, come on, Miller! Even POTUS enjoys a good steak and ketchup. It’s the American way. 🍔🇺🇸
Vance (10:37 am ET): I suggest we redirect this conversation towards more pressing matters.
Waltz (10:40 am ET): Agreed. Now back to the task at hand.
Gabbard (10:42 am ET): Alright guys, but I do believe that a toast with a fine NZ Sauvignon Blanc should be in order when we reach our strategic goals. To the success of our mission! 🍷🎉
Rubio (10:45 am ET): Now that’s a toast I can get behind. Let’s focus and get there first. 💯🎯
[End of Transcript]
