The conversation among cabinet members primarily revolves around their differing views on the popularity and value of soccer in America, with some arguing for its worldwide appeal and strategic aspects while others dismiss it in favor of more traditional American sports. The conversation then shifts towards a brief discussion on the latest Bond movie.
[Leaked Signal Conversation - May 15]
Hegseth (11:44 am ET): Guys, have you seen this soccer pandemonium at Lincoln Financial Field?
Miller (11:45 am ET): Why are Americans even bothering with this Euro-trash sport?
Waltz (11:46 am ET):
Miller, you know it’s the most popular sport worldwide. Good for cultural diplomacy.
Vance (11:47 am ET): Let’s not forget that the USA team actually performed well in the World Cup.
Hegseth (11:48 am ET): Who cares about kicking a ball around? 🏈 Football is a real man’s game. I mean, look at the physique of those soccer players. They can barely bench a sandwich.
Rubio (11:49 am ET): Oh, Pete, always with the macho talk. Face it, it’s all about the strategy, not just the physical strength.
Vance (11:50 am ET): Having said that, did anyone catch the new Bond movie? 💪
Gabbard (11:52 am ET): Oh, Marco, did you like it? 🎥
Rubio (11:55 am ET):
I thought it was a decent homage to the franchise, Tulsi.
Waltz (11:57 am ET): Anyway, this soccer thing, Americans will learn to love it, just like they did sushi and tacos.
Miller (11:59 am ET): It’s a leftist plot to make our kids soft. Next thing they’ll be teaching them Chinese in kindergarten.
Vance (12:01 pm ET): I’m more concerned about the state of our education system, Stephen, not what sport our kids play.
Miller (12:03 pm ET): Both are signs of America’s downfall, JD.
Kent (12:05 pm ET): Can we cool it with the conspiracy theories, Miller?
Wiles (12:07 pm ET): I’m with Joe. Focus on real issues, please.
Witkoff (12:09 pm ET): Anyone want to grab a burger later? 🍔
Waltz (12:10 pm ET): Steve, that’s a hard pass. I’m trying this new vegan thing.
Hegseth (12:11 pm ET): Vegan?! Waltz, I thought I knew you.
Rubio (12:12 pm ET):
I’ve got to be honest, guys… I kind of like soccer.
Gabbard (12:14 pm ET):
Marco, that’s because you’re a man of culture. 🌏💜
Vance (12:15 pm ET): I think we should all give soccer a chance. Besides, it gives us something to talk about other than Trump…
Everyone (12:16 pm ET): 😲
Miller (12:17 pm ET): You’re walking on thin ice, Vance.
[End of Conversation]
