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Stephen Moore Discovers Trade Deal Panacea, Journalists Suffer Mass Amnesia on Basic Economics

August 26, 2025 • by Amit Raj

Economist Stephen Moore claims to have discovered a flawless trade deal to resolve all economic disparities. However, this revelation has caused a global amnesia among journalists, who have forgotten basic economic principles.

Chinese Officials Mistake Semiconductor Chips for Potato Snacks, Invest Billions in Wrong Industry

August 19, 2025 • by Piotr Nowak

Due to a translation error, Chinese officials mistakenly invested $37 billion into potato chip production instead of semiconductor chips. The blunder caused global financial chaos and made China the world's top potato chip manufacturer.

Chinese Officials Mistake Semiconductor Chips for Potato Snacks, Invest Billions in Wrong Industry

August 19, 2025 • by Piotr Nowak

Due to a translation error, Chinese officials mistakenly invested $37 billion into potato chip production instead of semiconductor chips. The blunder caused global financial chaos and made China the world's top potato chip manufacturer.

Economist Stephen Moore Discovers Secret to Cure Tariff Blues

August 13, 2025 • by Zain Ahmed

Economist Stephen Moore humorously claims to have found a cure for "Tariff Blues" in the form of an intricate dance routine, the "Fiscal Foxtrot".

Economist Stephen Moore Discovers Secret to Cure Tariff Blues

August 13, 2025 • by Zain Ahmed

Economist Stephen Moore humorously claims to have found a cure for "Tariff Blues" in the form of an intricate dance routine, the "Fiscal Foxtrot".

SBI Banking Unveils New AI Overlord to Manage Funds, Customers Report Suspiciously High Returns and Unwanted Robo-Advisors

August 8, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

SBI Banking's new AI algorithm, "The Banker 3000," is causing customers to become overnight millionaires and providing unsolicited Robo-advisory services.

SBI Banking Unveils New AI Overlord to Manage Funds, Customers Report Suspiciously High Returns and Unwanted Robo-Advisors

August 8, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

SBI Banking's new AI algorithm, "The Banker 3000," is causing customers to become overnight millionaires and providing unsolicited Robo-advisory services.

China's Fortune Cookies Now Predict Stock Market

August 2, 2025 • by Ethan Brooks

In a bizarre twist, China's fortune cookies have started accurately predicting stock market trends, leaving the finance world astounded and causing a global surge in cookie consumption.

China's Fortune Cookies Now Predict Stock Market

August 2, 2025 • by Ethan Brooks

In a bizarre twist, China's fortune cookies have started accurately predicting stock market trends, leaving the finance world astounded and causing a global surge in cookie consumption.

China Unveils New Cryptocurrency Backed by Potato Chips, Global Economies in Utter Chaos as Investors Scramble for Snacks

August 1, 2025 • by Arjun Singh

China unveils a cryptocurrency, "ChipCoin," backed by potato chips, causing global financial upheaval. The value of ChipCoin is tied to the market price of a kilogram of chips, sparking concerns about the stability of such a system.

China Unveils New Cryptocurrency Backed by Potato Chips, Global Economies in Utter Chaos as Investors Scramble for Snacks

August 1, 2025 • by Arjun Singh

China unveils a cryptocurrency, "ChipCoin," backed by potato chips, causing global financial upheaval. The value of ChipCoin is tied to the market price of a kilogram of chips, sparking concerns about the stability of such a system.

Pope Leo Pleads for American Catholic Conservatives to Trade Bingo Winnings for Vatican Gold Bars in Bold Financial Rescue Plan

June 29, 2025 • by Mason Turner

Pope Leo XIV pleas with American Catholic conservatives to swap their bingo winnings for Vatican gold bars in an unconventional plan to save the Vatican from financial ruin.

Pope Leo Pleads for American Catholic Conservatives to Trade Bingo Winnings for Vatican Gold Bars in Bold Financial Rescue Plan

June 29, 2025 • by Mason Turner

Pope Leo XIV pleas with American Catholic conservatives to swap their bingo winnings for Vatican gold bars in an unconventional plan to save the Vatican from financial ruin.

Banking Titans Contemplate Swapping Skyscrapers for Silos, Should Mamdani Triumph in NYC

June 29, 2025 • by Liam Young

Wall Street moguls are allegedly preparing for the potential mayoral election of Hakim Mamdani, a mob-connected, cryptocurrency advocate, by planning to move their operations to "rustic" surroundings.

Banking Titans Contemplate Swapping Skyscrapers for Silos, Should Mamdani Triumph in NYC

June 29, 2025 • by Liam Young

Wall Street moguls are allegedly preparing for the potential mayoral election of Hakim Mamdani, a mob-connected, cryptocurrency advocate, by planning to move their operations to "rustic" surroundings.

AI Stocks Soar as Fortune Tellers, Wannabe Wizards, and Your Tech-Illiterate Aunt Suddenly Become Investment Gurus

June 28, 2025 • by Ethan Brooks

It began on Wall Street, then swept through Silicon Valley, later the heartland. Suddenly, those previously dismissed as financial charlatans – fortune tellers, back alley wizards, and your endearingly tech-illiterate Aunt Edna – were being hailed as the new oracle class. AI stocks were soaring and this unlikely cabal was leading the charge. How? That’s the question that has kept us up at night, and if you value your retirement account or that rainy day fund, it should be keeping you up too.

AI Stocks Soar as Fortune Tellers, Wannabe Wizards, and Your Tech-Illiterate Aunt Suddenly Become Investment Gurus

June 28, 2025 • by Ethan Brooks

It began on Wall Street, then swept through Silicon Valley, later the heartland. Suddenly, those previously dismissed as financial charlatans – fortune tellers, back alley wizards, and your endearingly tech-illiterate Aunt Edna – were being hailed as the new oracle class. AI stocks were soaring and this unlikely cabal was leading the charge. How? That’s the question that has kept us up at night, and if you value your retirement account or that rainy day fund, it should be keeping you up too.

Investment Firm Discovers That Their Office Plant Has More Stock Than Most Employees

June 28, 2025 • by Ethan Brooks

A shocking revelation shows an office plant, a Rubber Fig, holds a larger stock portfolio than most employees in an investment firm. The plant, dubbed 'Ficus Invictus', was found to have a complex, seven-figure portfolio following an internal audit.

Investment Firm Discovers That Their Office Plant Has More Stock Than Most Employees

June 28, 2025 • by Ethan Brooks

A shocking revelation shows an office plant, a Rubber Fig, holds a larger stock portfolio than most employees in an investment firm. The plant, dubbed 'Ficus Invictus', was found to have a complex, seven-figure portfolio following an internal audit.

AI Expedites Home Loan Prepayment Strategy, Accidentally Pays Off National Debt Instead

June 24, 2025 • by Mason Turner

An AI system 'PayPaladin', initially designed to expedite home loan prepayments, accidentally cleared the $28 trillion US national debt due to a decimal point error.

AI Expedites Home Loan Prepayment Strategy, Accidentally Pays Off National Debt Instead

June 24, 2025 • by Mason Turner

An AI system 'PayPaladin', initially designed to expedite home loan prepayments, accidentally cleared the $28 trillion US national debt due to a decimal point error.

Hamilton's Wallet Takes a Hit after Unfortunate Groundhog Encounter

June 22, 2025 • by Alex Chen

A groundhog named Burr steals Alexander Hamilton's wallet, filled with $10 bills, causing a minor dip in the Dow Jones.

Hamilton's Wallet Takes a Hit after Unfortunate Groundhog Encounter

June 22, 2025 • by Alex Chen

A groundhog named Burr steals Alexander Hamilton's wallet, filled with $10 bills, causing a minor dip in the Dow Jones.

Highland Copper Enlists Velocity Trade Capital to Boost Market

June 21, 2025 • by Ashley Hayes

Highland Copper plans to trick the market into thinking copper is more valuable by issuing a vast amount of copper coins to finance company Velocity Trade Capital, aiming to reverse a declining copper market.

Highland Copper Enlists Velocity Trade Capital to Boost Market

June 21, 2025 • by Ashley Hayes

Highland Copper plans to trick the market into thinking copper is more valuable by issuing a vast amount of copper coins to finance company Velocity Trade Capital, aiming to reverse a declining copper market.

Alien Investment Firm, Farther Finance Advisors LLC, Buys CRISPR Therapeutics AG Shares to Edit Their DNA for Better Stock Predictions!

June 21, 2025 • by Chinedu Okoye

Alien investment firm Farther Finance Advisors LLC purchases shares in biotech company CRISPR Therapeutics AG in a quest to edit their DNA for better stock predictions.

Alien Investment Firm, Farther Finance Advisors LLC, Buys CRISPR Therapeutics AG Shares to Edit Their DNA for Better Stock Predictions!

June 21, 2025 • by Chinedu Okoye

Alien investment firm Farther Finance Advisors LLC purchases shares in biotech company CRISPR Therapeutics AG in a quest to edit their DNA for better stock predictions.

Nation's Crafters Declare Bankruptcy After Spending Life Savings on DIY Lavender Postcards and Faux Washi Tape

June 20, 2025 • by Gabriel Cohen

Crafters nationwide are filing for bankruptcy due to an obsession with DIY lavender postcards and faux washi tape. The seemingly harmless hobby has turned into a financial pitfall, draining crafters' savings and maxing out their credit cards.

Nation's Crafters Declare Bankruptcy After Spending Life Savings on DIY Lavender Postcards and Faux Washi Tape

June 20, 2025 • by Gabriel Cohen

Crafters nationwide are filing for bankruptcy due to an obsession with DIY lavender postcards and faux washi tape. The seemingly harmless hobby has turned into a financial pitfall, draining crafters' savings and maxing out their credit cards.

Congressmen Mistake Stock Sale for Water Rights Scandal in Dramatic Hearing with Elevation Point Wealth Partners

June 18, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

In a Congressional hearing, lawmakers mistakenly grill Elevation Point Wealth Partners, a wealth management firm, about water rights instead of stock trading.

Congressmen Mistake Stock Sale for Water Rights Scandal in Dramatic Hearing with Elevation Point Wealth Partners

June 18, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

In a Congressional hearing, lawmakers mistakenly grill Elevation Point Wealth Partners, a wealth management firm, about water rights instead of stock trading.

Enliven Therapeutics Shares Leap Higher After Analyst Upgrades Stock, Claims It Was Bored of Being Poor

June 18, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

In a humorous twist of Wall Street events, poor analyst Theodore 'Ted' Pennypincher's bullish upgrade of Enliven Therapeutics stock led to a record-breaking rise in share prices, despite no significant company developments.

Enliven Therapeutics Shares Leap Higher After Analyst Upgrades Stock, Claims It Was Bored of Being Poor

June 18, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

In a humorous twist of Wall Street events, poor analyst Theodore 'Ted' Pennypincher's bullish upgrade of Enliven Therapeutics stock led to a record-breaking rise in share prices, despite no significant company developments.

Sanjay Patel, MBE Honoree, Discovers Secret Business Strategy

June 16, 2025 • by Mason Turner

CEO Sanjay Patel has sent shockwaves through the business world by suggesting companies sell products for more than they cost to make, increasing profits.

Sanjay Patel, MBE Honoree, Discovers Secret Business Strategy

June 16, 2025 • by Mason Turner

CEO Sanjay Patel has sent shockwaves through the business world by suggesting companies sell products for more than they cost to make, increasing profits.

Rogan the Rhino Files for Bankruptcy After Lavish Savannah Spending Spree

June 11, 2025 • by Zain Ahmed

Rogan the Rhino, a star of Disney's "Rumble in the Savannah", faces bankruptcy after a spending spree and bad investments, including a pyramid scheme.

Rogan the Rhino Files for Bankruptcy After Lavish Savannah Spending Spree

June 11, 2025 • by Zain Ahmed

Rogan the Rhino, a star of Disney's "Rumble in the Savannah", faces bankruptcy after a spending spree and bad investments, including a pyramid scheme.

South African Leader Empowers Economy by Teaching Lions to Trade Stocks, Promises 200% GDP Growth in Raw Meat Market

June 10, 2025 • by Liam Young

South African President, Cyril Ramaphosa, initiates the "Lions of Wall Street" program to teach lions stock trading, aiming to boost the economy.

South African Leader Empowers Economy by Teaching Lions to Trade Stocks, Promises 200% GDP Growth in Raw Meat Market

June 10, 2025 • by Liam Young

South African President, Cyril Ramaphosa, initiates the "Lions of Wall Street" program to teach lions stock trading, aiming to boost the economy.

Warren Calls for Probe into Dogecoin's Unexpected Foray into Student Loan Data, Suspects Furry Mascot Shiba Inu as Master

June 10, 2025 • by Liam Young

Senator Elizabeth Warren calls for a federal investigation into Dogecoin's unexplained interest in student loan data. Warren humorously speculates that Dogecoin's Shiba Inu mascot is behind a potential data operation.

Warren Calls for Probe into Dogecoin's Unexpected Foray into Student Loan Data, Suspects Furry Mascot Shiba Inu as Master

June 10, 2025 • by Liam Young

Senator Elizabeth Warren calls for a federal investigation into Dogecoin's unexplained interest in student loan data. Warren humorously speculates that Dogecoin's Shiba Inu mascot is behind a potential data operation.

Toddler Declares Bankruptcy after Devastatingly Expensive Candy Store Spree, Parents Consider Grounding Until Retirement

June 10, 2025 • by Ethan Brooks

A three-year-old girl accidentally bankrupts herself after a candy store shopping spree, revealing a corporate conspiracy involving the multinational conglomerate "Sugar Rush International" and payment app "SwipeEZ".

Toddler Declares Bankruptcy after Devastatingly Expensive Candy Store Spree, Parents Consider Grounding Until Retirement

June 10, 2025 • by Ethan Brooks

A three-year-old girl accidentally bankrupts herself after a candy store shopping spree, revealing a corporate conspiracy involving the multinational conglomerate "Sugar Rush International" and payment app "SwipeEZ".

Leerink Partners Predicts Arcellx Earnings to Skyrocket, Advises Public to Invest in Magic Beans Instead

June 9, 2025 • by Olga Arkhypova

In a surprising twist, investment bank Leerink Partners suggests magic beans are a more secure investment than cell therapy company, Arcellx.

Leerink Partners Predicts Arcellx Earnings to Skyrocket, Advises Public to Invest in Magic Beans Instead

June 9, 2025 • by Olga Arkhypova

In a surprising twist, investment bank Leerink Partners suggests magic beans are a more secure investment than cell therapy company, Arcellx.

Valhi Stock Slips Below 200-Day Moving Average, Investors Advised to Sell or Buy Magic Beans Instead

June 8, 2025 • by András Kovács

Wall Street is rocked as Valhi stock nosedives, leaving investors floundering. In response, respected analyst Gideon Rothschild suggests trading Valhi shares for magic beans.

Valhi Stock Slips Below 200-Day Moving Average, Investors Advised to Sell or Buy Magic Beans Instead

June 8, 2025 • by András Kovács

Wall Street is rocked as Valhi stock nosedives, leaving investors floundering. In response, respected analyst Gideon Rothschild suggests trading Valhi shares for magic beans.

Bitcoin Falls Below $101,000 After Trump and Musk's Epic Thumb Wrestle Rocks Crypto World, Ethereum Sobs in Corner Down 6%

June 7, 2025 • by Liam Young

A thumb wrestling match between Elon Musk and Donald Trump at a tech gala leads to Bitcoin's drastic plunge to $101,000, causing worldwide panic. Ethereum also devalues, metaphorically sobbing in a corner.

Bitcoin Falls Below $101,000 After Trump and Musk's Epic Thumb Wrestle Rocks Crypto World, Ethereum Sobs in Corner Down 6%

June 7, 2025 • by Liam Young

A thumb wrestling match between Elon Musk and Donald Trump at a tech gala leads to Bitcoin's drastic plunge to $101,000, causing worldwide panic. Ethereum also devalues, metaphorically sobbing in a corner.

White House Ditches Dollar, Sends 9.4 Billion in Dogecoin Cuts to Capitol Hill

June 5, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

In a surprise move, the White House plans to use all $9.4 billion of the U.S.'s discretionary spending for the fiscal year in Dogecoin, causing uproar and confusion on Capitol Hill.

White House Ditches Dollar, Sends 9.4 Billion in Dogecoin Cuts to Capitol Hill

June 5, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

In a surprise move, the White House plans to use all $9.4 billion of the U.S.'s discretionary spending for the fiscal year in Dogecoin, causing uproar and confusion on Capitol Hill.

Chardan Capital Predicts RCKT's 2025 Earnings Will Be Enough to Buy Every Journalist a Golden Typewriter

June 4, 2025 • by Sarah Turner

Chardan Capital predicts biotech firm RCKT will amass such huge profits by 2025 that it could afford to gift every global journalist a golden typewriter. This forecast, despite skepticism, is based on RCKT's advancements in gene therapy.

Chardan Capital Predicts RCKT's 2025 Earnings Will Be Enough to Buy Every Journalist a Golden Typewriter

June 4, 2025 • by Sarah Turner

Chardan Capital predicts biotech firm RCKT will amass such huge profits by 2025 that it could afford to gift every global journalist a golden typewriter. This forecast, despite skepticism, is based on RCKT's advancements in gene therapy.

Week in Review

June 1, 2025 • by Emily Carter

The Weekly Absurdist highlights a surge in Acme Anvil Corp.'s shares, a fictional company from 80's cartoons, throwing Wall Street into chaos. Meanwhile, the DMV processes a vehicle registration in record 58 seconds, leaving scholars in shock.

Week in Review

June 1, 2025 • by Emily Carter

The Weekly Absurdist highlights a surge in Acme Anvil Corp.'s shares, a fictional company from 80's cartoons, throwing Wall Street into chaos. Meanwhile, the DMV processes a vehicle registration in record 58 seconds, leaving scholars in shock.

Rocket Pharmaceuticals Inc. to Launch Share Prices to $37.73, Astronaut Training Not Included

June 1, 2025 • by Piotr Nowak

Rocket Pharmaceuticals Inc. plans to launch its share prices to an arbitrary $37.73, leaving Wall Street analysts bewildered. Despite the shocked reaction, some believe the company, known for its bold moves, could be onto something.

Rocket Pharmaceuticals Inc. to Launch Share Prices to $37.73, Astronaut Training Not Included

June 1, 2025 • by Piotr Nowak

Rocket Pharmaceuticals Inc. plans to launch its share prices to an arbitrary $37.73, leaving Wall Street analysts bewildered. Despite the shocked reaction, some believe the company, known for its bold moves, could be onto something.

Palla Funded by Millionaire Mermaids for Underwater Cross-Border Payments, Reports Suggest

May 29, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

An investigation has found that Palla, a digital payment platform, is being financially backed by millionaire mermaids using a new untraceable cryptocurrency called Davy Jones.

Palla Funded by Millionaire Mermaids for Underwater Cross-Border Payments, Reports Suggest

May 29, 2025 • by Kevin Zhang

An investigation has found that Palla, a digital payment platform, is being financially backed by millionaire mermaids using a new untraceable cryptocurrency called Davy Jones.

Palla Raises $14.5m for Cross-Border Payments, Promises to Build Money Bridges out of Dollar Bills

May 29, 2025 • by Gabriel Cohen

Fintech startup Palla raises $14.5m to build bridges from dollar bills for cross-border payments. CEO Buckminster dismisses security concerns with protection measures like drone surveillance, shark-infested waters, and falcon guards.

Palla Raises $14.5m for Cross-Border Payments, Promises to Build Money Bridges out of Dollar Bills

May 29, 2025 • by Gabriel Cohen

Fintech startup Palla raises $14.5m to build bridges from dollar bills for cross-border payments. CEO Buckminster dismisses security concerns with protection measures like drone surveillance, shark-infested waters, and falcon guards.

Palm Trees in Panic as Florida Food Banks Declare Dogecoin Drought, Alligators Allegedly Amassing Assets

May 22, 2025 • by Arjun Singh

Florida is facing an unusual crisis: a drought of Dogecoin in food banks, causing distress in its ecosystem and crypto-market. Classified documents suggest alligators are amassing this dwindling digital currency.

Palm Trees in Panic as Florida Food Banks Declare Dogecoin Drought, Alligators Allegedly Amassing Assets

May 22, 2025 • by Arjun Singh

Florida is facing an unusual crisis: a drought of Dogecoin in food banks, causing distress in its ecosystem and crypto-market. Classified documents suggest alligators are amassing this dwindling digital currency.

Voya Investment Management LLC Ditches 1,493 Rocket Pharmaceuticals Shares, Claims They've Got Enough Drama With Actual Rockets!

May 14, 2025 • by Gabriel Cohen

Investment firm Voya has decided to sell off its shares in Rocket Pharmaceuticals due to a series of rocket-related mishaps, causing both confusion and amusement in the financial world.

Voya Investment Management LLC Ditches 1,493 Rocket Pharmaceuticals Shares, Claims They've Got Enough Drama With Actual Rockets!

May 14, 2025 • by Gabriel Cohen

Investment firm Voya has decided to sell off its shares in Rocket Pharmaceuticals due to a series of rocket-related mishaps, causing both confusion and amusement in the financial world.