Newly declassified documents, made available through a clandestine source within the Deep State bureaucracy, reveal a chilling prospect: a decades-long government conspiracy to tax the English alphabet. This audacious plot, codenamed ‘Operation Lexicon Levy,’ could dismantle the very syntax of freedom our nation was built upon.

The earliest traces of the conspiracy can be traced back to a cryptic memo dated January 20, 1953; the day President Eisenhower took office. It was the height of the Cold War, a time of unprecedented government secrecy and a veritable golden age for covert alphabet taxation initiatives.

The 1953 memo, marked “For Official Eyes Only,” cryptically refers to an “initiative to monetize non-tangible linguistic assets.” Further evidence can be gleaned from a 1972 report by an agent codenamed ‘Grammarian,’ who wrote of an “unprecedented fiscal opportunity” that could be “hidden within the 26 letters of the English alphabet.”

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The extent of the covert operation is staggering. One can imagine the bureaucratic labyrinth forged by such a complex and, frankly, horrifying endeavor. The documents point to an ongoing collaboration between the IRS, the Pentagon, the Department of Education, and, most disturbingly, the Sesame Street Workshop.

A high-ranking official within the Sesame Street Workshop, who insisted on remaining anonymous due to the sensitivity of the information, confirmed the chilling implications of these reports. “You can’t even imagine the lengths we’ve gone to keep this quiet,” the source confessed. “The layers of deception, the coded messages, the subliminal persuasion techniques used on the show. Every time you see Elmo giggle, it’s a smokescreen for the impending doom of Operation Lexicon Levy.”

Every time you see Elmo giggle, it's a smokescreen for the impending doom of Operation Lexicon Levy.

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The plan, as far as our team has been able to piece together, involves a complex system of licensing fees for public and private use of the English alphabet. The scheme is projected to rake in trillions of dollars annually, effectively erasing the national debt overnight. However, the societal cost presents a much darker picture. The price of free speech could become, quite literally, too steep to pay.

The documents also reveal that the program is slated for implementation by 2025. Yet, there are signs that some provisions may already be in place. From the sudden prevalence of text message abbreviations to the rise of emojis, could these be early symptoms of a society subconsciously adapting to an alphabet taxed beyond the means of the average citizen?

This may be the beginning of a disturbing narrative that’s still unfolding, a tale draped in levels of secrecy and manipulation that would make even the most hardened conspiracy theorist shudder. As we delve deeper into the shadows of Operation Lexicon Levy, one thing becomes chillingly evident: we are standing at the precipice of a linguistic revolution, and the cost of admission is our very language.

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The evidence is irrefutable, the implications, terrifying. As we navigate the labyrinth of deception, the scale of this decades-long conspiracy - Operation Lexicon Levy - becomes alarmingly clear. This is not merely a case of bureaucratic overreach; it strikes at the very heart of our First Amendment rights, turning the pen into a taxed weapon, and the free flow of words into a costly luxury.

Prepare for the dawn of the Emojish era.

An anonymous source within the Department of Education (DOE), dubbed ‘Deep Thesaurus’ for the purposes of this exposé, revealed disturbing insights into how deep this plot has penetrated our educational system. He revealed that the increased emphasis on STEM education at the expense of humanities in recent years, was part of a calculated strategy to prepare the next generation for a world where words are no longer free. “When words cost money, you’ll see how quickly people turn to numbers,” Deep Thesaurus chillingly remarked.

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Further analysis of classified documents hints at phases of this audacious plot. Phase one involves the implementation of ’lexical rationing,’ a system designed to limit the everyday use of the alphabet, with a particular emphasis on suppressing ‘wordy’ individuals and professions. Imagine a world where novelists, journalists, and poets are considered linguistic elitists, their loquaciousness an unaffordable luxury.

Phase two of the operation has been cryptically referred to as ‘Project Babel Rebirth.’ Details are sparse, but our analysts believe it involves the fostering of a new language - a ‘Pentagon Patois’ if you will, one free of the shackles of the taxed alphabet. The few decipherable memos suggest a combined effort between the Department of Defense and tech giants to develop this cryptic code language. An encrypted message from a ‘Silicon Scribe’ confirmed our suspicions: “Prepare for the dawn of the Emojish era.”

The coup de grace, however, lies in what the documents refer to as ‘The Final Syllable’ - the moment when the taxed English language will be officially declared a luxury, available only to those who can afford their ABCs.

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In conclusion, we stand on the threshold of a new era, where the very fabric of communication is at the mercy of a linguistic tax scheme. Operation Lexicon Levy, if allowed to proceed, will transform our society, creating a terrifying divide between the linguistic haves and have-nots. We may soon live in a world where ’talking ain’t cheap,’ and silence is the default setting for those unable to pay the price of free speech.

But there lies hope within the resilience of the human spirit, our innate gravitation towards communication. We have weathered countless storms and emerged stronger. The battle for our words may be upon us, but we are armed with the most potent weapon of all: information. And no government, agency, or clandestine cabal can tax the indomitable spirit of humanity’s voice.