In a shocking revelation, GOP lawmakers have reportedly developed sudden, severe allergies to President Trump’s latest threat, leading them to call for a constitutional antidote to their ailment. Even as the Capitol Hill pharmacy remains woefully understocked with Claritin, GOP representatives are demanding a constitutional amendment to serve as an antihistamine to mitigate their political sniffling, sneezing, and itchy, watery eyes.

“It’s like we’ve somehow ingested a toxic cocktail of cat fur, pollen, and dust,” said Senator Chuck Grasley of Iowa, clutching a tissue in one hand and the Constitution in the other. “We’re breaking out in hives every time President Trump sends a tweet. We need a constitutional Claritin, and we need it now.” Grasley, whose previous allergies only included lactose and liberalism, believes the sudden flare-up to be a direct response to the President’s recent threats of invoking executive powers to build a wall made entirely of discontinued Trump Steaks.

Senator Lindsey Graham, who claims to be experiencing a similar reaction, said in a press conference yesterday, “I’ve always been allergic to cats, but this is something else. My eyes start watering every time I see a tweet notification from POTUS.” Graham, who notoriously survived a 2012 bout of hay fever, went on to say that he and his fellow lawmakers have been forced to reconsider their stance on the importance of an executive-issued EpiPen.

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Meanwhile, the White House has remained silent on the issue, though insiders report that staffers are taking bets on which GOP representative will be the first to break out in an embarrassing rash on national television. In an effort to prevent an outbreak of allergy-induced anarchy in the Senate, Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has ordered a bulk supply of generic allergy medication, while also exploring legal channels to secure a constitutional amendment that would protect lawmakers from future bouts of political allergies.

We're breaking out in hives every time President Trump sends a tweet. We need a constitutional Claritin, and we need it now.

As the GOP continues to sneeze and wheeze its way through this unprecedented crisis, the rest of the nation watches with bated breath and perhaps, a slight sense of schadenfreude. Will the Capitol Hill pharmacy restock its Claritin supply in time, or will the Senate floor look more like a sickbay? And perhaps more importantly, can a constitutional amendment really protect lawmakers from the maddening itch of populism, or will a stronger prescription be required? These questions hit at the heart of a crisis that, while absurd, has very real implications for the future of the GOP.

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Coming to the aid of his fellow Republicans, Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, a seasoned sufferer of allergies himself, has proposed a meticulous regimen of constitutional amendments to be taken twice daily alongside a large glass of individual liberty. “We’ve been dealing with these allergens in silence for long enough,” Cruz addressed the press, his speech intermittently punctuated by a series of stifled sneezes. “It’s high time we swapped these sniffling symptoms for some solid solutions.” Cruz, who was seen wearing a face mask with the words ‘Make Constitution Great Again’ etched across it, has reportedly been lobbying for an allergy warning to be included in Trump’s tweets.

On the other hand, Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky, who has always maintained a stoic disposition towards the Constitution, has suggested an alternative. “Look, we all know that the Constitution itself has no medicinal properties,” said Paul, also sneezing intermittently but with a more stoic resolve. “I believe in the free-market solution - Instagram influencers promoting natural remedies for political allergies. I hear turmeric lattes and activated charcoal smoothies are very popular.”

My eyes start watering every time I see a tweet notification from POTUS.

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As the Republican party navigates this irritating path, allergy experts have been called in to consult. Dr. Populismus Exasperatum, a leading physician in political immunology, has suggested that the GOP’s sudden allergies might not be as sudden as they seem. “We’ve seen a gradual increase in political allergens over the years,” he explained. “What’s happening to the GOP is just the tipping point.”

Dr. Exasperatum recommends an exposure therapy of sorts: regular, small doses of Trump’s threats to build up the party’s immunity. “But in the end, only a constitutional Claritin can provide the all-encompassing relief needed,” he added.

In a surprising twist, Senator Marco Rubio of Florida has suggested a bipartisan solution. “Perhaps we could borrow some of the Democrats’ Benadryl,” he offered with a sniffle. “I hear they’ve been stockpiling it since the 2016 elections.”

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The question remains: will the GOP find the relief they so desperately need, or will the allergens of Trump’s latest threat leave them in a permanent state of political hay fever? And, if so, what does that mean for the Republican party as its representatives sneeze and sniffle their way through legislative sessions?

In these times of political turmoil and tissue shortages, one thing is clear: the future of the GOP is nothing to sneeze at. As the nation waits with bated breath, the GOP is left to ponder whether their constitutional Claritin will come in the form of actual medication or a shift in their political stance. Until then, they must continue to weather their allergies, one tweet at a time.