In a bizarre turn of events, the world’s leading entertainment service provider, Netflix, has confirmed an extraterrestrial intrusion into its hallowed servers. The alien entity, whose origin is yet to be verified by NASA’s top brass, seemingly bypassed the streaming giant’s robust security measures and orchestrated what appears to be a marathon viewing session of the iconic ’90s sitcom ‘Friends’.

The first sign of the intrusion emerged late Tuesday evening when Netflix engineers noticed an abnormal spike in the consumption of ‘Friends’ episodes via a single account. The anomaly was initially dismissed as the work of an overly enthusiastic viewer, perhaps fuelled by lockdown-induced boredom. However, as the account continued to stream ‘Friends’ non-stop, circumventing even the “Are you still watching?” prompt that has been the downfall of many a binge-watch session, suspicion grew. Combining this with the fact that the account was logged in from multiple locations simultaneously, including but not limited to Mount Everest and the Bermuda Triangle, it became clear that humanity was dealing with a viewer of extraordinary capabilities.

The episode watchlist, which was made available exclusively to our newsroom, reveals a predilection for episodes featuring Ross’s escapades as a paleontologist. “The One with Ross’s Grant” was replayed an astounding 47 times, suggesting a possible interest in human evolutionary theories or a profound appreciation for Ross’s not-so-subtle humor.

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“Clearly, we’re dealing with a life form that demonstrates a higher understanding of humor and the complexities of human relationships,” stated Dr. Ernest Quasar, Director of the Astrobiochemistry Department at Harvard University and the man at the helm of decoding the alien’s Netflix activity. “Evidently, they have been observing us long enough to appreciate the cultural nuances embedded in ‘Friends’. This could be a first step towards initiating open communication.”

"We welcome all binge-watchers, whether they're from Earth or beyond," stated Netflix's head of Global Communication, Susan Clipper.

While the scientific community grapples with the implications of this incident, Netflix has been contending with its own array of challenges. The alien’s ceaseless streaming has led to a surge in the company’s global bandwidth usage, resulting in mild disruptions for other Netflix users. Surprisingly, there has been a significant spike in the demand for ‘Friends’ among regular users, proving that even in the face of interstellar intrusion, the bandwagon effect holds strong.

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As humanity continues to peer into the cosmos, waiting for a sign, the sign seems to have arrived in the form of a sitcom-loving extraterrestrial. As the world watches the alien watch ‘Friends’, perhaps we are closer to understanding our intergalactic neighbors than ever before. The question now on everyone’s minds is, “What will they watch next?” Will it be ‘The Office’, ‘Breaking Bad’, or perhaps a journey into the Marvel Universe? Only time, and the Netflix servers, will tell.

In spite of the incessant streaming, Netflix maintains that it has no plans of taking punitive measures against the interstellar viewer. “We welcome all binge-watchers, whether they’re from Earth or beyond,” stated Netflix’s head of Global Communication, Susan Clipper. “While we do wish the extraterrestrial viewer would simply subscribe for their own account, we’re excited to see ‘Friends’ transcend universal boundaries.”

Meanwhile, conspiracy theories are rife on social media, with some speculating that the alien viewer may, in fact, be an advanced Netflix AI gone rogue. Others have suggested that this could be a publicity stunt by WarnerMedia to promote their upcoming ‘Friends’ Reunion. Regardless of the speculation, the Ross-loving alien continues to be the talk of the town, or rather, the universe.

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I knew Ross was universal. Just didn't know he was intergalactic.

NASA scientists, in collaboration with Netflix engineers, are working tirelessly to establish a direct communication line with the extraterrestrial viewer. They hope to use the shared interest in ‘Friends’ as a foundation for dialogue. If successful, this could be the first instance of interstellar communication facilitated by a streaming service.

“This is a golden opportunity to bridge the interstellar divide,” espoused Dr. Quasar. “We can only hope the extraterrestrial viewer will pause their ‘Friends’ marathon long enough to engage in a dialogue. It would be interesting to know their opinion on Ross and Rachel’s ‘we were on a break’ argument.”

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In the midst of all this, the cast of ‘Friends’ has remained surprisingly silent. When asked, David Schwimmer, who portrayed Ross Geller on the series, merely chuckled, saying, “I knew Ross was universal. Just didn’t know he was intergalactic.”

As we await the next chapter in this extraordinary saga, one thing is certain: the universe is far more complex and interconnected than we ever imagined, and perhaps ‘Friends’ is the secret thread that weaves us all together.

To conclude, while there is understandable anxiety about the specter of interstellar intrusion, there’s also a sense of collective awe at the thought of shared interests spanning galaxies. In the meantime, Netflix is reportedly considering introducing a new security measure: a CAPTCHA test that asks, “Are you a human or an alien?” Further complicating matters is the possibility that the extraterrestrial viewer may already know the answer, thanks to their newfound fondness for ‘Friends’ and Ross’s paleontological exclamations.

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As we all continue to speculate, the interstellar viewer remains unfazed, continuing their marathon of ‘Friends’, seemingly oblivious to the stir they’ve caused on the little blue planet called Earth.