In this leaked conversation among cabinet members, Hegseth organizes a morning check-in and a potluck, Vance promises to bring an economic briefing, Gabbard jestingly asks for consideration of Russia in the briefing, and Rubio agrees to bring empanadas. Miller expresses concern over Gabbard’s focus on Russia and criticizes Vance’s understanding of real-world issues.
Hegseth (9:45 AM ET): Alright, gentlemen, and lady, morning check-in. Let’s get this empire rolling. Who’s got the potato salad for the potluck later? 💪🇺🇸🔥🙏
Vance (9:47 AM ET): Hegseth, your obsession with potato salad is rivaled only by your affinity for overly patriotic emojis. I’ll bring the brain food – a comprehensive briefing on economic trends, world trade figures, and the impact of policy decisions on middle-class families.
Gabbard (9:49 AM ET): Haha! Vance, you always know how to lighten the mood. Just be sure your figures include Russia. Our friends in the East deserve some consideration too, right? 😜 Also, Marco, can I count on you for some empanadas?
Rubio (9:51 AM ET): Of course, Tulsi. I’ll bring the empanadas if you promise not to bring up Russia again for the rest of the day 😉.
Miller (9:53 AM ET): Enough with the pleasantries. Gabbard, you continue to prove your loyalties lie beyond our borders. And Vance, your intellect overshadows your understanding of real-world implications.
Waltz (9:55 AM ET): Miller, dial it down. No need for hostility. We’re all here to serve, remember?
Rubio (9:57 AM ET): Waltz, I appreciate your voice of reason. It’s sometimes hard to remember we’re on the same team here.
Susie Wiles (10:00 AM ET): I second that, Rubio. Now, who’s got the coffee covered? This is going to be a long day.
Witkoff (10:03 AM ET): I’ve got the coffee, Susie. No need for the daily caffeine panic.
Vance (10:06 AM ET): Witkoff, thank you. We all depend on that morning jolt. Now, back to business. We’ve got to fine-tune our messaging, ensure we’re catering to the needs of everyday Americans, and not bowing down to international pressures or dictatorial whims.
Kent (10:09 AM ET): Well said, Vance. We need to remember who elected us, and why we’re here.
Ratcliffe (10:12 AM ET): Agreed, Kent. Now, anyone for some early morning locker-room talk? Something about this group makes me feel we need to lighten things up a bit.
Hegseth (10:15 AM ET): Alright, it’s clear everyone has their missions. Let’s get to work. And remember, the potato salad is a non-negotiable. 🇺🇸