SIGNAL LEAKS
Fiction—until it isn't

CLASSIFIED_8237

CLASSIFIED_8237

The leaked conversation reveals that the cabinet members, amidst light-hearted banter, are discussing strategies to address the Middle East crisis, with Vance suggesting the implementation of stricter sanctions.

March 15 Hegseth (11:44 am ET): Just got back from a burger run, gents. Hope everyone’s hungry for a little justice served up American style. 🍔

Vance (11:55 am ET): Please, Pete, you could barely finish a single Big Mac, let alone the full platter of the Middle East crisis.

Hegseth (12:01 pm ET): All in good time, Vance. Save your words for the word doc, okay?

Rubio (12:14 pm ET): Steady, gentlemen. Let’s focus on the matter at hand.

Gabbard (12:16 pm ET): Agreed. Though, I did hear Putin makes a mean beef stroganoff. 😋

Waltz (12:20 pm ET): Let’s keep our comments to the current situation, please.

Miller (12:24 pm ET): Absolutely. How about we push aside any thoughts of food and tackle the Middle East crisis?

Vance (12:31 pm ET): That sounds like the best course of action, Stephen. I’ve compiled some thoughts that might be useful.

Rubio (12:45 pm ET): Let’s hear it, JD.

Vance (12:50 pm ET): Well firstly, I believe we should implement stricter sanctions and…

Vance (12:51 pm ET - 13:08 pm ET): [Long-winded monologue detailing his plans]

Hegseth (13:09 pm ET): That was … thorough.

Rubio (13:15 pm ET): It was solid. I’m just not quite convinced we should be quite so–

Gabbard (13:16 pm ET): Radical?

Rubio (13:18 pm ET): I was going to say aggressive.

Waltz (13:23 pm ET): I think we all agree that we need to take action. But let’s find a way to do that without sacrificing our integrity.

Miller (13:28 pm ET): Integrity is overrated.

Vance (13:31 pm ET): Agreed. Well said, Waltz.

Rubio (13:34 pm ET): Let’s think about this some more. We can reconvene tomorrow with some fresh ideas.

Hegseth (13:38 pm ET): Sounds like a good idea. Though I might need another burger run…