SIGNAL LEAKS
Fiction—until it isn't

CLASSIFIED_7023

CLASSIFIED_7023

The leaked Signal conversation reveals the cabinet members contemplating a short break or retreat, referred to as “MonkMode,” over the weekend, although there are mixed feelings about the appropriateness of such a break in the midst of their heavy workload.

(May 23)

Vance (10:11 am ET):
Gentlemen, Marco, Tulsi. Should I go #MonkMode for the weekend? I’m seriously considering it.

Rubio (10:12 am ET):
Haha, JD. Please don’t tell me you’re referring to that ridiculous social media trend.

Gabbard (10:13 am ET):
Did someone say MonkMode? That actually sounds intriguing. I’m all for meditative retreats. House of Cards marathon, anyone? 🏞️🏯

Vance (10:15 am ET):
That’s the spirit, Tulsi. But House of Cards sounds too much like our daily lives. 😅

Hegseth (10:20 am ET):
Hooah! MonkMode sounds like Special Ops isolation training. I say, bring it on. 💪 🇺🇸

Wiles (10:23 am ET):
That’s fine, gentlemen, and Tulsi. As long as you’re back by Monday. We got a lot of work ahead.

Rubio (10:26 am ET):
I’m down for some downtime. As long as we’re back in time 😂

Miller (10:29 am ET):
Please don’t tell me we’re seriously considering taking a break amidst all the chaos.

Ratcliffe (10:33 am ET):
Relax, Stephen. It’s just banter. Besides, wouldn’t it be fun to see JD or Hegseth in monk robes?

Miller (10:36 am ET):
It’s a mockery to even suggest such things, John. We have serious matters to attend to.

Witkoff (10:40 am ET):
Oh come on, Stephen. Imagine the headlines: “Cabinet Members Go MonkMode” 😂

Vance (10:45 am ET): Sounds like a good PR stunt. Might even get us some love from the POTUS if we go viral!

Kent (10:51 am ET):
I’m more of a “stay sane in the chaos” type. But you do you, Vance. And remember, we’re always watching.

Waltz (10:55 am ET):
Keep the monk robes ready, Vance. You’re going to need them for the next Joint Chiefs meeting if this thing blows up.

Gabbard (11:00 am ET):
Hey Marco, if we’re really doing this, we should pick a show we both like. Just keeping the teamwork spirit alive! 😉

Rubio (11:05 am ET):
That sounds like a deal, Tulsi. As long as it’s not The Bachelor. 😂

Vance (11:10 am ET):
I’m definitely staying out of this one. My Netflix queue is just going to be documentaries and meditation music this weekend. 🙏

Bessent (11:15 am ET):
Very well then. But remember, we cant let European dilettantes see us slacking off.

Hegseth (11:20 am ET):
Roger that, Scott. I’m off to practice my warrior pose. 💪 🇺🇸 🙏

Vance (11:25 am ET):
Alright, team. Let’s get back to work and make POTUS proud. But remember, MonkMode starts Friday night!

Gabbard (11:30 am ET):
Sounds like a plan! Looking forward to some downtime with you, Marco. And remember, no Bachelor! 😅

Miller (11:35 am ET): Enough of this monk nonsense. I have a country to run.

Rubio (11:40 am ET): Easy there, Stephen. It’s all in good fun. But agreed, back to work everyone!

Waltz (11:45 am ET):
Back to work, then. But don’t forget, we may all need a little #MonkMode in our lives.