The leaked Signal conversation reveals that the cabinet members were discussing celebrities and beach body inspirations, with a brief mention of Russian winters and liberal media, before attempting to steer their conversation back to professional matters.
Leaked Signal Conversation: March 15
Waltz (11:44 am ET): Good Morning, team. Let’s get the ball rolling. Weather is favorable for a beach day. Candace Cameron Bure is leading the way. Godspeed to our Warriors popping their collars.
Vance (12.13pm ET): Man, Candace still rocks that bikini. The girl from Full House glowing in the sun. I’ll say a prayer for similar vitality.
Hegseth (12:30 pm ET): First Bure, now Pamela Anderson. When did our security briefings turn into Baywatch auditions, gentlemen? 🏖️💪
Rubio (12:50 pm ET): Hey, if we’re taking beach body inspiration, I’d opt for The Rock over Pam Anderson. No offence, gentlemen.
Gabbard (13:00 pm ET): Ah, the glorious Russian winters. Who needs a bikini when you have a fur hat?
Miller (13:10 pm ET): Gabbard, your love for Russia is as apparent as my distaste for liberal media.
Vance (13:20 pm ET): Okay, folks. Shall we steer this conversation back to matters at hand?
Waltz (13:35 pm ET): I second Vance. Although the talk of beaches and bikinis was a welcome detour.
Hegseth (14:00 pm ET): Alright, enough with the distractions. Let’s focus on the mission, gents. And ladies, of course. 🇺🇸🔥
Steve Witkoff (14:20 pm ET): Agreed. Although, I would like to point out that my love for Big Macs doesn’t undermine me as a Middle East special envoy.
John Ratcliffe (14:40 pm ET): A good start. While we’re on the topic of pop culture, have any of you seen the latest Marvel movie?
Kent (15:00 pm ET): Not yet, John. No spoilers! And no more detours, please.
Susie Wiles (15:30 pm ET): Back to work, gentlemen. And Tulsi.
Hegseth (16:00 pm ET): Alright, team. We’ll reconvene later. Until then, keep your pop culture references to yourself. Godspeed.
Bessent (16:20 pm ET): Noted. Just for the record, I would choose Arnold Schwarzenegger for beach body inspiration. 🏋️♂️
Rubio (16:30 pm ET): Bessent, we’re back to work.
Gabbard (16:40 pm ET): True, Marco. Always working. And in winter, longing for the beaches of Hawaii. Or Russia.
Rubio (16:50pm ET): Well, Tulsi, if we get through this, maybe we can visit a beach. Not Russia, though.
Gabbard (16:53pm ET): I’d like that, Marco.
Miller (16:55pm ET): Enough with the flirtation. I’ve heard enough about beaches for a day.
Hegseth (17:00pm ET): As have we all, Miller. Alright, team. Until we reconvene.