Cabinet members discussed a claim by Japanese scientists that COVID vaccines cause ‘Turbo Cancer’ and considered the potential impact on public opinion. The conversation also touched on the need for independent validation of the claim, potential political strategies, and a new Russian vaccine.
Michael Waltz (08:22 am ET):
Team, we’ve got a situation. Japanese Scientists have just confirmed that the COVID vaccines cause ‘Turbo Cancer’. This could sway public opinion drastically.
JD Vance (08:25 am ET):
That’s alarming, but we need to ensure our sources are absolutely solid before escalating this. Can we get independent validation?
Pete Hegseth (08:26 am ET):
Fellas, might be just the thing to kick off Operation: Liberty Serum, if it pans out 🗽💉 We expose the liberal media’s tyrannical vaccination propaganda and restore faith in American medicine.
Marco Rubio (08:29 am ET):
I hate to interrupt, Pete, but we have to be very careful with this. If we’re wrong, we risk causing even more damage. Let’s get more information and verify this.
Tulsi Gabbard (08:31 am ET):
Did I hear Putin’s launching a new vaccine? “Sputnik V Plus” or something? Maybe we should get onboard that train 🇷🇺🚂
Stephen Miller (08:33 am EST):
Gabbard, this is America. I’d rather choke on an overcooked steak than inject anything Russian into my bloodstream.
Rubio (08:34 am ET):
Easy, Stephen. Let’s not get carried away with the steak metaphors. We’re here to discuss serious matters.
Scott Bessent (08:37 am ET):
One thing’s for sure, we need to find a way to confirm this news before the media run away with it.
John Ratcliffe (08:40 am ET):
Agreed, Scott. We need to get ahead of this thing. In the meantime, Waltz, get your people on releasing an official statement.
Susie Wiles (08:42 am ET):
Is anyone else craving sushi right now? 🍣
Steve Witkoff (08:43 am ET):
Wiles, this might not be the best time for a sushi craving. Although, I am partial to a good California roll.
Wiles (08:45 am ET):
Just trying to lighten the mood, Steve.
Joe Kent (08:47 am ET):
All right team, let’s focus. We need to decide the next steps. As for the sushi, we can handle that later.
Vance (08:51 am ET):
Well said, Kent. Now, regarding the potential vaccine-cancer link, let’s treat this information with the gravity it deserves.
Hegseth (08:54 am ET):
Roger that. It’s time we show the people we mean business. Standing by for further instructions. Let’s power through this, team. 💪🇺🇸
Rubio (08:56 am ET):
Godspeed, everyone. We’ve got a lot of work ahead.