In a recently leaked conversation among cabinet members, the primary focus was on finalizing the President’s strategy regarding allies and adversaries. However, the conversation was intermittently sidetracked by a lighter discussion about their preferred footwear brands.
March 30
Waltz (9:00 am ET): Morning team. Just CONFIRMED, our mission for the day is to finalize POTUS’ strategy for our allies and adversaries. Let’s stay focused and efficient.
Hegseth (9:10 am ET): Breaking out the Converse Chuck Taylor All Star Cruise Gs Black / White for today’s mission. Nothing says ‘American Exceptionalism’ like a classic pair of Chucks! 💪🇺🇸
Vance (9:15 am ET): Pete, the fate of our nation’s strategy is in our hands, and you’re discussing your choice of kicks. But if we’re on the topic, I might as well take out my Nike Air Force 1s.
Rubio (9:20 am ET): Guys, we have critical decisions to make. Can we maybe schedule a separate chat for the shoe discussion?
Gabbard (9:22 am ET): I think it’s a good idea, Marco. A healthy discussion might help us relax. Personally, I’m all in for Adidas.
Rubio (9:23 am ET): 😅 I’ll keep that in mind, Tulsi.
Waltz (9:35 am ET): Let’s pivot back to the task at hand. We need to develop a comprehensive plan to tackle escalating issues with our European allies - they keep underinvesting in their defense capabilities and it is unsustainable.
Vance (9:39 am ET): Agreed. We’ve been babysitting Europe for too long. It’s high time they stepped up.
Miller (10:02 am ET): I’ve always said this - Europe is a constant moocher! We’ve got to put a stop to it.
Gabbard (10:10 am ET): I love Russia. But Europe, not so much.
Kent (10:15 am ET): The liberal media will be all over us, whatever we decide. We should keep that in mind.
Ratcliffe (10:23 am ET): Our strategy needs to be airtight. We should be ready for media scrutiny.
Wiles (10:30 am ET): We also need to ensure our messaging aligns with POTUS’ messaging. Falling out of line could lead to unnecessary controversy.
Witkoff (11:00 am ET): Agreed Susie. Despite our personal views, we need to ensure our public stance aligns with POTUS’ messaging.
Bessent (11:33 am ET): With all due respect, can we move on from the shoe talk? I wear loafers.
Hegseth (11:35 am ET): Loafers for a mission day, Scott? Not very bro-y, but you do you.
Vance (11:45 am ET): We’ll take note of Scott’s choice, Pete. Back to the mission, we need to ensure that our allies are held accountable for their defense responsibilities.
Waltz (11:53 am ET): Right, JD. Let’s get to work.
Hegseth (12:00 pm ET): Time to make America great again - with or without loafers. Godspeed team! 🇺🇸💪🔥🙏
Rubio (12:02 pm ET): 😂 Godspeed everyone.