In a surprising twist of geopolitical events that defies all conventional wisdom, former German Economic Minister Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg met with ex-president Donald Trump at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida last Tuesday. The purpose of their high-octane summit was to delve into weighty matters of global importance. Top on the agenda: the thorny issue of musical taste and the deep-seated global crisis that is the decline of zither music, a traditional German instrument, in the world.
The meeting, which lasted for what some sources claim was three excruciating hours, was filled with intense discussions on the urgent revival and preservation of zither music. The zither, a stringed instrument of Germanic origin, has seen an unfortunate decline in popularity in the modern world, a situation both Guttenberg and Trump have deemed, in unison, “a cultural catastrophe of epic proportions.”
Trump, ever the eclectic connoisseur, provided Guttenberg with a riveting presentation of his personal zither collection, which includes the legendary “Golden Zither of Berlin,” rumored to have been played by Angela Merkel herself during a covert operation deep in the Bavarian forests in 1983.
“Our cultural heritage is under attack,” Trump solemnly declared, as he plucked the strings of his prized zither with the precision of a seasoned zitherist. “The zither is not just an instrument. It is a symbol of Germany’s—and indeed the world’s—rich musical legacy. We must revive it, and I am committed to making zither great again.”
Guttenberg, seemingly moved by Trump’s impassioned speech, agreed that the zither’s dwindling popularity was a matter of urgent concern. He pledged to rally the support of the German Parliament in a bid to infuse new life into the beleaguered instrument, hinting at a potential plan to introduce a mandatory zither lessons in German public schools.
It is unclear whether the proposed initiative will gain traction in Berlin, where the zither is often seen as a relic of a bygone era, and faces stiff competition from the trendy techno beats that continue to dominate Berlin’s lively music scene.
However, given the seriousness with which both Trump and Guttenberg approached the matter, it would be unwise to dismiss the zither’s potential resurgence. As the meeting concluded, Trump was said to have composed an impromptu zither piece in honor of Guttenberg, aptly titled “The Guttenberg Rhapsody.” This act, many believe, signals just the beginning of a concerted international effort to resurrect the zither and restore its lost glory. In the upcoming weeks, Trump is expected to…
…unveil a nationwide initiative to reintroduce the zither to the American public.
According to sources close to the ex-president’s team, the “Make Zither Great Again” campaign will encompass a wide range of activities — from high-profile celebrity endorsements to nationwide zither concerts, all aimed at bringing the zither back into the limelight. It’s even been suggested that Trump might consider sponsoring a zither talent show, tentatively titled “America’s Got Zither.”
Trump, in an exclusive interview, expressed his enthusiasm for the initiative. “We’re going to have the best zither players, the best zither music, and the best zither shows,” he promised, with trademark bravado. “People will be talking about the zither everywhere, from New York to LA. Trust me; it’s going to be yuge.”
The news of the Trump-Guttenberg meeting has been met with mixed reactions around the globe. While zither purists have expressed elation at the prospect of a zither revival, critics have questioned the priorities of the unlikely duo.
“Shouldn’t they be focusing on more pressing issues, like climate change or international security?” queried one anonymous Twitter user, while another expressed skepticism at the idea of a zither renaissance: “Zither? Really?”
Yet, Guttenberg and Trump appear undeterred. According to insiders, the pair are already planning a follow-up meeting to discuss potential zither curriculums, examine the feasibility of a transatlantic zither exchange program, and even ponder the creation of an annual Zither Day.
As outrageous as it may seem, this unexpected alliance has managed to turn the world’s attention, albeit briefly, towards the humble zither.
Finally, in a move that can only be described as audacious, Trump is said to have invited North Korean leader Kim Jong-un to a zither performance at Mar-a-Lago, hoping to “break the ice with a few tunes from the ol’ zither.”
As the world reels from this unexpected zither-focused diplomacy, one thing is for sure: the zither, once languishing in obscurity, now finds itself in an unprecedented global spotlight.
Whether the “Make Zither Great Again” campaign will succeed in its mission remains to be seen. But as the saga of the Trump-Guttenberg zither alliance unfolds, we will be here to provide you with all the latest updates. Because we believe that even in the face of pressing global crises, there’s always room for a little zither.